This is a book by an engineering-minded father to solve this mystery of achieving happiness in life.
– The author went to bat directly stating the what happiness is: an absence of unhappiness, the default state when we were a child. I like the exercise of writing down, “I feel happy when ______.” (Fill in the blanks.)
– It’s our own thought of unhappy events, not the actual unhappy events, that causes our own unhappiness. The trick is not to think about it. Don’t let it linger, which turns into a self-generated pain.
– The authors offers the 6-7-5 formula: bust the 6 illusions, fix the 7 blind spots and hang on to the 5 ultimate truths.
– The six illusions are:
1) thought: the little voice in your head.
2) self: you’re not the star of the movie.
3) knowledge: we don’t know that much after all. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.
4) time: live in the here and now. Life is now and now is amazing.
5) control: you can only choose your attitude. “It’s going to be fine in the end. If its not yet fine, then it is not yet the end.”
6) fear: learn to die before you die. It is time to face your fears.
– The 7 blind spots are
1) filters: our brain tells incomplete pictures due to its limitation.
2) assumptions: brain-generated story – not truth.
3) predictions: brain-generated future possibilities – not truth.
4) memories: a record of what you think happened – often not the truth.
5) labels: covers the truth in the absence of context.
6) emotions: our perception of truth is often distracted by our irrational emotions.
7) exaggeration: what’s more than the truth is less than true.
– The 5 ultimate truths:
1) now: Being fully aware of the present moment considerably increases your chance of being happy. Be aware means stop doing and just be. Be aware of your world outside, inside your body, your thoughts and emotions and your connection to the rest of being. Be aware of the journey where all of life happens.
2) change: when everything you do feels effortless, you’ll have found your path. Don’t just keep looking up for better material things. Look down and feel how fortunate we are. Gratitude is a sure path to happiness.
3) love: joy of true love is giving it. The more love you give, the more you get back. Choose to be kind instead of being right. Love is all you need.
4) death: accepting death will set you free. Surrender! Live before you die.
5) design: the author attempts to argue the “grand” design based on probability of our existence. It’s small, very small. But he believes that God does not intervene or run the show.
– It’s heartbreaking to have your son die on the operating table at his young age of 21. The author took it as his mission to define and seek happiness.
– The author really turned his son, Ali, into a saint the way he described his son. It’s only human to commemorate your lost loved one all the positives except there’s one time his son tattooed himself without telling him. Maybe Ali was a saint.
– The chapter on evolution vs. intelligent design was his attempt to “prove” or “disprove” the existence of God. He made an gallant effort to show how unlikely the randomness or probability can allow all the living things on this earth or universe. I think it’s well researched and argued for his case. However, the probability for a God to exist could be even more daunting. But his belief was more toward this non-intrusive God which/who just tilted the odd one way for things to happened as it has. I can probably live with that, but still find it hard to comprehend anyone/anything could have such a power.
Overall, it’s a great book for someone seeking happiness. If you’re depressed, experiencing personal or family tragedy and/or lacking life directions, this may be a good book for you. Highly recommended.